


To Wait is To Love

by Tassillow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Afterlife, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Death, Established Relationship, F/M, JKR IS WRONG - TRANS RIGHTS, Marauders, One Shot, POV James Potter, Parent Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassillow/pseuds/Tassillow
Summary: James Potter wasn’t quite sure how long it had been since he had awoken in the white forest. Time seemed to be moving both very slowly and very fast at the same time. It could have been weeks or it could have been mere minutes. The only thing he knew for certain is that he was dead.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	To Wait is To Love

**Author's Note:**

> I can't keep my hands off the minor HP characters, they're just so interesting to me. Maybe one day I'll actually get something out with the protagonist instead. Enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: Discussions of death and the ensuing emotions, Minor bad language

James Potter wasn’t quite sure how long it had been since he had awoken in the white forest. Time seemed to be moving both very slowly and very fast at the same time. It could have been weeks or it could have been mere minutes. The only thing he knew for certain is that he was dead.

When he had arrived he had been confused and scared, not helped by the fact he sat up and looked straight into the eyes of a dead man. “Hello Jamie,” his father had said. The man had looked younger than the last time James had seen him and he spoke in a soft voice James hadn’t heard since he was a child.

James had screamed.

The illusion of his father would have looked shocked if James had actually been looking at the man. Instead, James immediately spun around intending to draw his wand and spring back into battle, only to find it wasn’t there. His hand drew out of his pocket empty.

“What have you done to me you SICK BASTARD” James shouted into the air. This had to be a curse, the Dark Lord had trapped him into some dream, trapped him in his head, to keep him occupied while he went upstairs to Lily and Harry. To _kill_ Lily and Harry. He had never heard of magic like this before but he had no doubt that if anyone was capable of it it would be _him_.

“Jamie-“ his father's voice said from behind him, but that was all the man managed to say before James Potter sprinted into the tall white trees. James called for his wife as he ran, cursing the man who would harm her.

‘If only I was an Occlumens,’ he thought bitterly, the mental arts would be the trick to spring him out of this trap. James had never had the chance to learn, it was a requirement if he had wanted a promotion but he had never managed to find the time. Nevertheless James was smart and he had several years of Auror training under his belt, he instead focussed on whatever curse had hit him, maybe he could backwards engineer it?

But that was when James remembered the colour of the light that had hit him. The laughter of his murderer rang in his ears as his feet slowed underneath him as he realised the horrible truth.

“Oh,” he had said glumly, the fight leaving his body. James didn’t cry when he realised he was dead, he didn't cry as a rule. It wasn’t through some manly grandeur or Gryffindor bravery, James just didn’t cry. He could feel the emotions swirling inside of him but could never get them to come to the surface, instead they ate at home from the inside out. It was probably unhealthy, he thought bitterly to himself, the emotions churning in his stomach were making him feel sick.

In the indiscriminate amount of time that had passed since then, James had done little but walk. He knew now the white forest was the forbidden forest, a marauder would recognise the paths between the trees anywhere. It wasn’t quite the same though, James had not seen a single creature in the forest, not even when he walked through their nests. Even weirder was the fact that when he followed the path he knew led to the open grounds of Hogwarts he always found himself on the farthest edge of the forest again. The reset was seamless, someone less familiar with the forest would likely not have noticed.

The trees towered above him and when he looked up he couldn’t see the sky. Pale shadows were the only thing bringing definition to the bright white landscape, although he couldn’t work out where they were coming from as he couldn’t see a light source. Even the ground beneath his feet was white, as far as he could tell he was the only thing in this mystery world with colour.

James felt more lost than he had ever felt in his life, or his death he supposed. Looking back he probably should have taken the opportunity to talk to the parent he had grieved for two years. If nothing else the man probably could have told him where he was. He had tried to find his way back to the clearing he had awoken in but he couldn’t find his way back. The white forest either didn’t contain the imaginary place anymore or it was purposefully keeping him away. He kicked a gleaming white stone in frustration and watched it land without the expected clatter.

“J- James?” Suddenly a shaky voice called from behind him, it was the only voice in the world he would recognise anywhere. He jolted around and saw his wife sitting up groggily, bright green eyes shining with fear.

“Lily!” He exclaimed and ran towards her, his legs gave out from under him and he skidded towards her. Even if his rough landing had hurt, which it didn’t as there was no pain in the white forest, nothing would have stopped him gathering her into his arms.

“James I heard him-“ Lily said, quiet sobs punctuated her words. “I heard him shout the killing curse,” he pulled back to look his wife in the eyes where she was gazing at him as if she had to memorise his face, “James I heard your body fall.”

“I know Lily flower,” James said sadly, “I worked it out too.”

“God James,” Lily continued, voice cracking, “he killed me too didn’t he?”

James didn’t trust his voice so he didn’t say anything. But he nodded to his beautiful wife and he hoped that would be enough. Lily was always the smart one, she knew what that nod meant and she fell into his chest with a hopeless cry.

“Lils,” James began once his wife had stopped crying, they had been sitting on the floor locked in their embrace for what could possibly have been a few minutes or a few months. “Lils, what about Harry? Did you manage to activate the emergency portkey?” He knew the answer before he asked the question, Lily wouldn’t be here if she had got there in time.

“I begged him, James,” Lily said instead, knowing what James was really asking. “I told him to take me instead of Harry. But he blasted me aside as if I was nothing, we both know who he was really after. I think-“ Lily gulped back her tears, “Harry will be here soon.”

James could only nod mutely in reply. His precious son, _their_ precious child, would be dead soon. “We’ll wait for him,” he finally said firmly.

The couple sat in silence for a little longer. The air hung heavy between them, James couldn’t bring himself to speak into it. Instead, he pulled his young wife to her feet and led her in the silent walk he had been patrolling before she appeared.

“So, why are we in the park near my parents' house?” Lily asked after their first reset of the forest. There was a forced lightness in her voice.

“What do you mean?” James asked, confused. “This is the forbidden forest.”

“No, this is definitely the park, the swing sets are over that way,” Lily said pointing with a scowl. Almost immediately after she said that her expression cleared, “We must be seeing different places, places important to us.”

James frowned but believed she must be right. It was disconcerting knowing they weren’t experiencing the same thing but thinking about it now why would Lily imagine the forbidden forest. Actually, James wasn’t even sure if his wife had been inside, most students never did it was forbidden after all. Certainly, if she ever did it was for an approved reason like collecting potions ingredients or a class. “Why do you see a park?” he asked after a beat.

“I spent a lot of time here,” Lily said, voice contemplative with a hint of sad nostalgia. “Tuney used to play with me here when we were little, this is where I found out I was a witch. Later me and Se…” Lily trailed off with a frown and a slight glance to her husband. James knew who she was talking about and didn’t dare bring it up anymore.

Lily’s childhood best friend had always been a sore spot between them, she still hadn’t forgiven James for his bullying but she also hadn’t forgiven Snape enough to want to talk about him. James had wanted to apologise to her or at least explain it but she had always steered away from that conversation. He had thought that they would have a lifetime to sort out that problem, it turned out shorter than he had expected.

“Well I see the forest,” James said changing the topic, now was not the moment to force it out of Lily. “I guess it’s because we used to spend a lot of time here during the full moon-” James stopped quickly.

“What is it?” Lily asked, glancing back at him with worry.

“Wormtail… Peter, he must have betrayed us,” he said bitterly. James would have liked to believe his friend had been tortured, that he hadn’t been given a choice, but he knew that wasn’t the case. The fidelius protected its secret holders from coercion, the secret had to be given away willingly. That was why it was so powerful, why they were supposed to be safe.

There wasn’t much to say after that revelation, the couple walked in silence lost in their own thoughts. No matter how far they walked James didn’t feel his feet tire or get out of breath, actually he wasn’t sure he was breathing at all. He could still feel his chest instinctively rising and falling but when he held his breath he didn’t feel any different. Was this how ghosts felt?

The white forest reset them to the far side three times before either of them spoke again. “How long did it take before I appeared?” Lily asked her husband.

“I’m not sure,” James responded, “Less time than this I think, but it’s really hard to tell,” Lily nodded in agreement. Their silent laps were the only measure they had on the passing of time and James wasn’t sure that was even accurate.

“What happens if he doesn’t come, James? What if Harry doesn’t appear?” her voice wasn’t shaking quite as much as before when she asked this question.

“I,” James began hesitantly, “I don’t know. I guess that would mean he hadn’t died? Perhaps Voldy decided to take him instead of killing him?”

“Or maybe someone came in time,” Lily suggested more hopefully, “Sirius would know if the wards had been broken wouldn’t he?” Sirius had been one of the people who set up the extensive, yet ultimately useless, wards around their cottage. Wizards of sufficient power tended to feel on a primal level when their spellwork was broken. James hoped this was true, that his baby boy was safe with his best friend and he clutched onto that feeling.

More meaningless time washed over them and yet Harry still didn’t appear, they listened carefully for the sound of a baby crying in the distance but nothing reached their ears.

“I can feel it calling to me James,” Lily eventually said, “The real place we’re supposed to go, this is just a stop along the route. You can feel it too can’t you?” she asked.

“Yes,” James nodded back to her. It wasn’t anything he could hear or see telling him where to go, but he could feel it in his very soul. It had started as soon as Lily appeared and was getting more insistent the longer they stayed. Something wanted him to move on, to go to the real heaven or hell or wherever people ended up. The feeling told him there was no reason to stay in this white purgatory, that he was meant for different things.

“I’m not going,” Lily said firmly, she had obviously been thinking about it for some time. “You can if you want, but I’m going to stay here. If Harry survived he may live for another eighty years or another few weeks but either way I am going to be here for him when he comes through.”

“Lils,” James said in what he hoped was a patient voice.

“Don’t try and stop me, James Potter!” Lily shouted, her red hair swirled around her in her anger giving James the distinct impression she was made of fire. Her eyes looked darker than normal, the green piercing into James as if she could look right through him. Lily had always been scary when she was angry, he was not afraid of his wife but he could feel the raw power and emotions she felt when she shouted.

“I’m not going to stop you Lils,” James replied diplomatically. “I wouldn’t expect anything less of you. Although I have to say, do you really think I would leave you here, leave _our_ son to face this alone?” Lily deflated and even looked a little guilty at his words. Her eyes turned downwards, James had never met another person whose feelings were written all over her face like Lily’s. “If you aren’t going Lily then neither am I, we’re a family the three of us and we stick together,” He told her decisively.

With his last words, he reached out and took his wife by the hand, she looked at him with such love in her eyes and James felt his heart inflate. She was stunning against the white backdrop, it reminded him of how she had looked in her wedding dress. Of course, she had no makeup on now and tear tracks streaked down her face. But James couldn’t love her any more than he did in this moment.

James pulled his wife to a convenient seat, A fallen tree for James which coexisted as a park bench for his wife. The couple sat in silence and clasped each other's hands staring into the distance. The white light shone into their eyes and the pull to the beyond called them loudly. They didn’t let it deter them, they could be patient.

They sat together and they waited for their son.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick story that's gone from concept to posting in only a few hours, meaning it's not only un-beta'd but pretty much un-proofread as well. Please let me know if there were any stupid mistakes or if you have any other comments! Hope you enjoyed!


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